The Baby-Calming Move I Really Wish I’d Known With My First Newborn

You’re not imagining it.

Some babies are easy to calm when they’re upset:
👶 “Oh yay! You looked at me. I’m fine now.”

Other babies are more… expressive:
😤 “I have many, many notes about this clothing situation.”

And on the far, far end of hard-to-calm…

…was my first baby. 😭
No, I didn’t scientifically test this impression, but that’s exactly how it felt those first few months.

Which is why I’m dedicating this Mama Mini-Tip to advice that wasn’t around when my kids were little. I have to admit: I’ve never personally tried it. But it’s the one thing I’ve seen while researching the science of parenting that I really wish I had known back then.

After you’ve checked for the big three—Hunger? Soiled diaper? Illness?—and nothing else works to stop the crying, you may want to try the Hamilton Hold.

What Is the Hamilton Hold?

The Hamilton Hold is a way of holding very young babies (from newborn up to about 2–3 months) that helps them feel snug and contained instead of flailing and furious.

You only try it after the big three are handled—hunger, diaper, illness (and if you’re worried your baby might be sick or have special medical needs, check with your pediatrician first).

Here’s the super quick version:

1. Fold the arms
   Gently bring your baby’s arms across their chest, like a soft little self-hug.
2. Support arms + head
   With one hand, hold their arms against their chest while also supporting the head and neck—snug and secure, not squished.
3. Support the bottom
   With your other hand, scoop under their diaper area so you’re holding their weight from below.
4. Tilt + gently rock
   Hold your baby at about a 45° angle and softly rock or sway with small, calm movements (no wild bouncing needed).

If you’re a “show me, don’t just tell me” kind of mom, here’s a short video from the pediatrician who created this technique, Dr. Robert Hamilton, showing the Hamilton Hold in action:

You don’t have to do it perfectly—your baby mostly cares that you’re holding them securely, calmly, and that you haven’t given up on them (even when they have many, many notes about life. 😅)

Why I’m Telling You About It

I remember the feeling of helplessness so clearly.

What could she possibly want? Why is she still crying?

I did marathon laps around the dining table with her in my arms or in a sling, trying to soothe her. I kept changing the angle, the speed, the sway—anything that might help. (I probably looked like someone who was really bad at interpretive dance.)

Rocking and swaying did help—eventually. But now, when I watch videos of the Hamilton Hold, I honestly wonder if I could have calmed her more quickly and more reliably if I’d known to move her in this more organized, snug way instead of just trying random “maybe this will work?” motions.

My Take on What’s Happening in the Baby’s Brain

I recently showed a Hamilton Hold video to a friend of mine, an experienced grandmother of seven. The baby in the clip went from full-on wailing to quiet and alert in seconds.

Her instant reaction:

“I think that baby’s in shock.”

I get why it looks that way, but I don’t think that’s what’s happening.

Here’s my best guess as a cognitive psychologist (and former mystified mom):

• The baby’s arms are gently folded in,
• The grown-up’s hands are providing firm, steady support,
• There’s lots of warm, predictable touch and small rhythmic movement.

All of that together is telling the baby’s brain:

“You’re safe. You’re contained. This feels a little like the snug, predictable world of the womb. And this gentle movement is actually kind of interesting.”

It’s like taking all the comforting parts of a baby sling and adding just enough pleasant, organized motion to give their nervous system something better to focus on than “I am outraged.”

Want to Learn More?

I’ve studied the videos, I’ve read Dr. Hamilton’s book, and I’ve been impressed with both his credentials and the solid, commonsense way he talks to parents.

Because I didn’t personally use this with my own babies, I treat it as a bonus idea, not a core “road-tested” lesson. If you’re in my course, you’ll find The Hamilton Hold in the Bonus material for Module 1 of Brilliance from Birth to Three—right alongside lots of other simple rituals for creating calm, brain-nurturing moments in everyday life.

What if my child is too old for the Hamilton Hold?

If your baby has aged out of the tiny-newborn stage (or you’re reading this with a toddler hanging off the back of the couch), you can still use the idea behind the Hamilton Hold:
“When you’re upset, I have a ritual for helping you feel safe and calm.”

One of my favorite rituals for slightly older babies and toddlers is what I call our “book healing ritual.” Here’s the basic pattern:

1. Your child gets hurt or is very upset.
2. You do the quick real-world checks and hugs.
3. Then you say something like: “Oh no! That really hurt. Come here—let’s get a book to help you feel better.”
4. You snuggle up and read while the tears slow down and eventually stop.

You’re pairing books + love + comfort over and over. Their brain starts to file books under “this is what we do when I’m safe and loved,” which is one of the sneakiest, most powerful tricks I know for raising a future book-lover.

If you’re in the course Brilliance from Birth to Three, you can watch me talk through this “book healing ritual” in Module 2, Lesson 7 (“Supercharge your reading time”).

If you’re not in the course, don’t worry—I’ll unpack this ritual (and its many brain benefits) in a future Mama Mini-Tip.

Please let me know if you try the Hamilton Hold and how it goes for your baby. 👶
If it doesn’t seem to help, remember: you can’t “fail” at this. It just may not be the right move for your child. 

Nothing works for everyone. You’re the mom your baby needs, and you will figure it out. 💛 

Cheering you on!

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